Rick Rutherford’s Country

Along the journey of life I have learnt many things. Some of them I have embraced and rejoiced in. Some have been practical and life enriching. Some I have shunned and determined myself not to embrace, return to or be subjected to ever again! The lessons have been hard, wonderful, bittersweet and in many instances life sustaining, life changing and even life resolving.

A basic tenet of life has always been to treat another as one would want oneself to be treated. It’s Biblical and resolute within my spirit.

But this has had its consequences, often leading to hurt, pain, sometimes incredulousness and ultimately much learning.

And still I hold to the tenet.

So, when another doesn’t respond to a message for days and weeks or ignores key issues of life and then determines to regroup on their own time and terms, whereas once I would take it as a personal affront and start to question my value and worth, life has finally taught me that it’s not my issue but the behavior of another. I’ve learnt to move on and invest energy and interest, care and love elsewhere … where it is appreciated and where one will be safe in so doing.

Likewise, when there are scenarios in life where there are accusations of blame, ultimately leading to one being made a scapegoat for the behavior of another, I have learnt to look at both sides, to examine cause and effect, heart and reason. Then, taking all of these into consideration, the lesson has been to listen to one’s spirit, to reason, forgive and embrace … and to ultimately move on.

Compassion and understanding are an integral part of each and every relationship and interaction. Extenuating circumstances will always come into play, and one must always take these into account, just as one would hope another would do the same in return. But there is a line, a limit … and it’s wisdom and experience that teaches us when enough is enough. When it’s finished and time to ‘call it a day’ and move on.

I have also learnt, according to my beloved Jan, to ‘reference check’ the major decisions to life with at least two others, and this has become another tenet of life.

“Where two or more are gathered” … and even three, there resolve, wisdom, understanding and direction forward can be found. And so I have come to believe in the value of seeking wisdom from others in whom I placed unconditional confidence, and in whom I have entrusted my heart. Then I work to navigate forward in consideration of such advice … but ultimately make my own decisions and resolving my own direction and taking full responsibility for the same!

Another important life lesson … when I have ignored, refused to listen or consider collective sage advice and recommendations regarding important life decisions, I have fallen down and foundations have crumbled. There is a terrible unsavouriness in hearing the words “I told you so”. There is even a more sobering impact of having to say to oneself “yep, I should have listened”!!!

And so I have learnt to listen, to seek advice, to wait, to harken to the small still voice inside. And equally and importantly, to work so very hard to turn off the old tapes – often recorded from childhood – and re-record a new soundtrack for life. The ‘re-recording’ is never easy and can carry with it great pain, sometimes regret and even the potential severing of relationships that once were regarded as enduring and significant. But ultimately the re-recording brings with it liberty, release and a new beginning for the rest of one’s days, irrespective of what has gone before.

Another important lesson I have learnt is that, so many times over our lives, our actions can be motivated by our memories and conditioning … not by our present realities. And the two can sometimes be at war with each other as we grapple with what to do and how to behave based on our conditioning which, for many of us, may not have been ideal or nurturing from the start. When we react out of brokenness, we only reap more brokenness. Better to distance, heal and come from a place of repair than to respond and interact at all. There is wisdom in silence – a profound truth finally and ultimately understood and embraced. It’s a shield. It’s protective and it’s life giving. (1)

Self-preservation is not selfishness. It’s the wisdom of the ages which can take a lifetime to understand and a battle to embrace let alone put into action. But to look after oneself in the face of onslaught, undermining or neglect is to ensure that one remains whole and true. It means that, what remains, is a person of integrity, and wisdom who is able to share with others, to support and nurture, and to love … and surely this is the true meaning of life and the essence of the great command to “love one another, as I have loved you”. (2)